A sense of longing

I am writing this blog on my lunch break. At my desk. In an office. In a building. In a city. That I don’t like.

My husband is here….

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Boulder, CO.  He is visiting our son in Denver for the week and took a little day trip to Boulder (on my prompting).  I knew he would love it.  Although I’ve never been there, I just knew he would love it.

So I am here, but want to be there.  I want to be in the Southwest driving across the desert or in the Pacific Northwest surrounded by green.  I long to be in these places.  My heart feels like it belongs there, not here.  People, many people, many many well meaning people, will say that you should find happiness and be joyful in whatever your circumstances. No matter your geographical location.  I don’t entirely disagree.  But my soul longs for the West.  I’ve never been further West than Texas.  But somehow I feel like it’s where I belong.  I don’t understand it.  But I know I must go.  I also love the beach.  So every year, I have to decide how to spend my one week of vacation.  Going to the beach (11 hours away) or heading West (24+ hours).  I don’t want to fly because I like to drive places.  So the beach wins because one week isn’t long enough to drive out West and back again and do all that I want to do.

I am left with a deep sense of longing that is impossible to put into words.  So much so that I think about just running away.  Wake up one morning, get ready for work, but just keep driving.  I would never abandon my family. Ever. They are the ONLY reason that I don’t actually run away.  I could, but I don’t.  I want to, but I won’t.  So what to do with the longing?  No matter how many hiking trips I take in the Laurel Highlands of PA, it will never be Colorado or Montana or Oregon or California or New Mexico… Every year it seems to get more intense, more urgent that I go.  Just go.

I urge anyone with a dream to chase it.  Don’t wait for the right time.  Don’t wait until you finish college or find a job or save enough money or buy a house.  Just go do it now.  Now is always the right time to follow your dream.  Satisfy that sense of longing.  And I will try to follow my own advice.

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All photos taken by my husband on 3/14/2017 in Boulder, CO. Pearl Street and Chautauqua National Landmark.

4 thoughts on “A sense of longing

Add yours

  1. Wow I can relate kiddo, especially on days like this as I sit at a desk doing the same thing over and over again. But the beach is,what calls me home. I keep thinking, someday …

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